I left my heart...and lost my paradise..

Sometimes I let myself drift away...I lose myself in memories of happier times...

Sometimes I miss home..my personal heaven.

Many people dream about finding their paradise.

I had it and I let it slip from my fingers.

Today six and a half years later..I still think of it.

When I close my eyes I'm there..I can hear the wind blowing through the leafs of our big cherry tree...

I can see the the cloudy sky..the rain falling endlessly...

I remember the smell of the soil after the rain...I always loved it...

The sun was shining on me,without burning my skin...

I remember walking through the big forest only one hour away from our village...touching the trees...God I miss that forest..

If I concetrate I can recall the feeling of walking barefoot through the grass in our garden..

I can recall dancing in the rain...letting it rain on me...

I had many pets..chicken and rabbits and pigeons...I loved all of them..

School was not torture nor boredom...I enjoyed it...learning was fun...and easy..

No I can barely make myself go to school...here I hate it..here learning seems pointless..

 

Wherever I turned my gaze I could see nature...beautiful pastures of green..

Now all I see is grey...I was an optimist now I've become a pessimist..

Sleeping then seemed unnessesary to me...why wasting my time when there was so much to do and to discover??

Now sleep is my only escape from reality..from this never ending routine..

My family says I've become melancholic and that I'm closing into my self...

I don't go out and I don't make friends easily...

One last memory...I was 9 or 10 sitting in our garden back at home...and gazing at the sky..

wondering where life was going to take me...I dreaming of what could be...

I was certain I was sure...my life was going to be amazing..

No I don't dream...I only struggle to stay alive..

Today,six and a half years later...I feel lost.

The walls are closing in on me now...and I desperately need to break away..

I had friends there..I was happy..

Now...I just dont know how or why..

My life has changed,many things have been gained and lost..

After everything I'm still alive...I guess I've become a survivor..

Don't get me wrong I don't mind living here..If I hadn't moved here..well let's just say I would have missed out on a lot of things...

But every now and then I'm just wondering what could have been if I had stayed there..and now I will never know...

Many say that this is my home..my country..

But I was born and raised under the cloudy skies of Germany,

When I left one vital piece stayed behind...and I will never get it back.

They say home is where the heart is..my heart is cut in two..

So what do I do???

I love my new home town..after all it's the most romantic city in Greece..

But I will never forget the place I come from....

I will keep moving on...

Until I find a new paradise..

This is just the way I feel...I wont apologize to anyone for it..

cause that would be aplogizing for being real...

PS: the pics of that building..that's my old school in Germany